


Herb and the Honestly Not so Bad Pretty Forgettable Day

by CheatCodes



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Domestic, Gay solidarity, Jesse McCree/Hanzo Shimada ( implied), M/M, POV Outsider, Procrastination as a Coping Mechanism, Short & Sweet, Short One Shot, my bad sense of humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-02
Updated: 2020-01-02
Packaged: 2021-02-27 03:53:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22080622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CheatCodes/pseuds/CheatCodes
Summary: Herb has had a long day. A really long day.More than anything she just wants to go home, take a nice long bubble bath to relax, treat herself with a hand mixed margarita, and look at pretty actresses on her phone( While shoving all thoughts of school and finals out of mind) Unfortunately though, she’s stuck at her crappy part time job. At least the tacky Clint Eastwood knockoff and his friend that just strolled in can take her mind off things for what little time to kill she has left. Or bare minimum give her some entertainment before she can clock out and pretend all of this never happened.
Relationships: Jesse McCree/Hanzo Shimada
Comments: 1
Kudos: 22





	Herb and the Honestly Not so Bad Pretty Forgettable Day

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this because I was bored and it broke the flow of a much longer like 40k Mchanzo piece I’m sitting on. I don’t know what you expect from me. Hope you enjoy!

Herb had been sneaking glances underneath the scanner she’d been stationed at for close to a hour now.   
She was looking at a projector right under her torso, where the counter blocked it from her project manager’s and overly chatty customer’s, sights. She didn’t have the focus for a game, and couldn’t watch anything with audio. Yet, Herb persevered and was not discouraged. Not when it came to slacking off. With subtle brushing of the hand, as if she was shaking off nerves, she’d manipulate the holo screen and have it flip news feeds every so often in lieu of another distraction. The world was going to shit, what else was new. It wasn’t like she had something better to do.  
She should be studying for finals, but the thought brought upon such a heavy exhaustion, she kept up her mindless scrolling.  
Mid day rush had past. The checkouts lines lulled. The grocery near empty.  
All day she’d been fighting to keep her eyes open, the smile she’d plastered on more disengaged than a frown. Pure muscle memory the only thing holding it in place as she ringed up purchases and breezed through small talk.  
She felt like a NPC. The same three responses she rotated through. Hmm. And yes, the weather is lovely, and yes those photos of your kids are lovely, and yes everything is fucking lovely, have a nice day.   
Don’t talk unless spoken too.   
Don’t leave post.   
A NPC like she said. If she stood still much longer and resorted to speaking pure gibberish, she’d be indistinguishable from a sim. 

She had maybe fifteen minutes before she got off the clock.. but they dragged on, digging their heels into the dirt like an moody teenager that wanted to stay home instead of going out shopping with their mom. 

God to be a teenager. 

She was so tired. 

She had a paper due tomorrow. 

She dug around for some trail mix she kept by her monitor. Picking out the M&Ms. Technically, she shouldn’t be eating on the job, but she didn’t care.   
If she got fired, there was another one just like it down the street.   
And maybe, maybe Herb had motivational issues. Commitment issues. Though she’d never say. 

She looked down again at a bunch of clickbait.   
She could feel Jeffery, her supervisor’s, beady little eyes on her.   
He was the equivalent of a high school hall monitor. Fifteen more minutes she reminded herself. Determined to survive the rest of the day so she could get paid.   
She almost didn’t her the automatic doors come open, so up in her head. 

But she looked up, and with how depressing politics were, and how bored she was of a top ten countdown lists and without a buzzfeed quiz she hadn’t already seen- she watched the pair that made their way into the store. 

One had a cowboy hat on his head. A goddamn cowboy hat.   
He was much taller than his company and he walked with a large stride and a bit of swagger to his step. Herb caught the shadow of his face and her breath hitched- he was stupid hot.  
She might be gay, but she wasn't blind.

His friend waved at one of their 24 hour surveillance monitors, and Mr. Smoke Show looked like he was gonna jump him, whipping round, and sheltering them both from the security feature. But they laughed. One a small chuckle, the other this loud, bellowy one. Inside joke she figured. Or they were just both prone to acting like little kids. 

They slipped down an aisle, the shorter one she’d yet to get a good look at with one of the small basket things in the crook of his arm. Less than a inch between them.   
They bumped hips and elbows as they walked. 

Herb couldn’t see them for awhile. She didn’t think anything of it. But she heard that deep laugh again, it carried, and now her interest was piqued. 

When she caught sight of the pair once more, she was watching. The way one watched reality TV on at noon. Nothing else was streaming. Why not? 

They seemed designed to not be noticed. If she stopped focusing, too easy could her attention be swept away. Both angled to be overlooked. To not be able to get a clear shot at. It was probably a coincidence, nothing strategic, but it made her squint. It made her squint and work extra hard to not get fooled and let them disappear.   
The cowboy had a certain presence to him, but his buddy might as well have been photoshopped into the domestic scene. He blended in so well. Same as all the other shoppers. Enveloped in their own little worlds. Caught up in the painfully mundane rhythm of day to day.

That wasn't what kept her eyes on them. Herb rested her chin in her palm. She wasn't chirpy, looking pleased to seize the day, inviting, in this pose. Jeffery was probably writing her up as she leaned over. Took some weight off her feet. 

But she didn’t mind, and for once it wasn't cause she didn’t mind anything that went down in the in and out grocery.   
They were transfixing, the odd little pair. As she soon caught on. For everything they did was in sync.   
The moody one would read from a torn off piece of notebook paper, and the John Wayne knockoff would pick a label up, handing it to his friend behind him without looking away from the shelves.   
They compared prices, sales, got into at least one fight about salsa that didn’t seem to be the first fight of its nature.   
They never knocked into each other, coexisting fine, but their real boundaries were scarce, as small gestures and movements betrayed. If one wandered, the other immediately picked up. They acted as if they were separated to long, one would forget how to breathe.   
They moved as a singular unit, a well oiled machine, and the practiced ease of shared company made her feel wistful. Made her feel a bit hollow on the inside. And hopeful all the same. 

They kept touching, and they kept being all sweet, and the tall one kept making the short one laugh.  
He always covered his mouth with his hand, and looked down. Herb wouldn’t be able to tell it was laughter if not for the first choked note, or for the looks they’d engage after. As if they shared a little secret, the whole rest of the world was dying to hear. 

It made her happy. Real happy. She had kinda of forgotten what it felt like. The warm swell in her chest. 

Companionability, love, maybe they were attainable things. Maybe people could make it work. Maybe instead of looking for another half, you could take two and make a pair, if someone else out there matched. Maybe she had a match. Maybe.

Herb knew at this point her staring was rude. That if she had any manners left she should look away. For privacy’s sake. But she felt a pang of solidarity for the men, and wanted them to notice her. Feel it too.   
I’m one of you, she wanted to cry, even if it wasn’t quite true. 

Opting out of glancing elsewhere, or getting yelled at by her boss for walking over there and making things weird, Herb ate her trail mix in peace, and straightened her stupid employers uniform. When they wrapped up and started to come over. To her register no less. She should have felt guilty or ashamed. Should have had the decency to pretend she hadn’t spent the last five minutes observing from afar. 

She didn’t. 

The grumpier one, with the stern expression on his face, and basket in arm, was equally fine looking in person she concluded. But he didn’t seem to smile if he wasn't looking at his Texan sweetheart.   
Maybe Herb should stop thinking about how they looked like models or something.   
Maybe Herb has issues with self image and the works since she spent hours a day staring at beauty magazines.   
Maybe Herb had spent too long without intimacy with another person.   
Yet that’s was no fun to think about so she didn’t dwell.   
The grumpier one, was thumbing through cards in a fancy leather wallet ( Who knew there were so many ways to pay for some produce and dish shop) he made no attempt at engaging her. Thank god.   
His friend though, was not so kind, and pressed up against the counter, resting an elbow on it.   
“ Your hairs a mightin fine shade of blue there ma’am, kudos to who’ve did your dye job.” 

Herb did not have a preautomanted response to that. She was used to getting judgmental looks from older ladies, and wide eyed stares from kids, who’d point, and awe. But sincere compliments, that weren’t followed by corny pick ups lines? 

The cowboy was still hunched over her counter, and his friend looked up with a, are you really pulling this shit again? Face. As if he could sense it, the cowboy turned around and put his hands up, “ What? I was just being polite darlin, just cause you don’t know how to do it-“ 

“ I am plenty polite,” his friend snapped, but something told her, despite nothing in his face giving it way, he wasn’t actually all that mad. 

She seemed to reboot all at once.   
“ Oh thanks. I did it myself,” she said, She gave it a little bounce, not flustered. (Herb was not easy to fluster.) But a bit off her A game. 

Both men looked at her. She had too little sleep to be self conscious. She punched some numbers in, as the cowboys, “Darlin,” forked over a wad of cash. 

That was peculiar. Maybe he just had perfect change. 

She looked at their groceries again. Self hygiene things, travel size and a lighter. Some green healthy stuff she couldn’t name and a couple microwaveable dishes. There was a shit ton of rice. A pre made cake. Bleach (and a UV?) Plus a DVD movie, and a pack of gum. Hm.   
Well. She’d seen weirder.   
“ Thank you,” he said, and it seemed so forgein and forced from his mouth, she had to fight to keep her customer service face from dropping, or bursting out laughing, right as the cowboy broke into a wicked grin. He nudged him with his shoulder,   
“ Well you look at that! I knew you had it in you, just took the right motivation.” 

Hanzo stared at her for a second, with this small fleeting smile, like, can you believe what I have to put up with?   
Before giving his partner ( thats how Herb had decided to think of them. Partners. In all manners of the word) a blank look. 

“ You are the uncivilized one. Making a scene-“ he shot Herb a glance, “ And you can keep the change.” 

Hmph x2   
Made her job easier.   
She finished bagging, smiling to herself as she did, the pair before her talking in low voices, probably passing more jokes only they’d understand. She didn’t ease drop. She’d heard enough. 

She handed them off to the taller one. Both looked perfectly capable, but the shorter one seemed morally opposed to heavy lifting. 

“ You gonna help me with bags or are you too pretty?” His companion said. 

“ Too pretty,” he replied. Proving her point in case.   
But the taller one could carry all three with out needing pause, so she figured it was alright.   
“ You make a lovely couple,” she said, as they parted. And for once the lovely tacked on didn’t taste bitter off her tongue. 

“ Aw shucks-“

“ I believe you're mistaken-“ 

Both men rushed to correct her, and stopped short, engaging glances. Aw shit.   
Part of her wilted. God. Could she ever stop projecting? Now she went and made them uncomfortable. She looked at her shoes, as if they could teleport her somewhere far, far, away. This was most definitely the embarrassing thing her mind would replay to her at four a.m. when she was trying to sleep. Three years from now. She could sense it in her sneaker soles. 

“ We’re just-“

“Friends,” the cowboy said.   
“ Coworkers,” his partner cut in, looking off his guard too. 

They looked at each other one more time.   
Jeffery was gonna have her ass for this. Going and scaring off customers.   
You didn’t make any assumptions.   
A man and a woman could kiss, and have two small children with them, and you wouldn’t make assumptions. Situations could be “CoMpLiCaTeD.” As he said on the first day. So you didn’t comment.   
Though Herb doubted a dude and his mistresses would be out in public, or a woman and her- why wasn't there a word that meant mistresses when it was a guy on the side, and the woman was the one cheating on her husband?  
That was just sexist. 

Herb willed herself out of the moment, to no avail, and looked up, accepting her defeat.   
“ Friendly Co-workers,” the cowboy said again, flashing her a smile, made of pity.   
His partner, looking disgruntled, ceded the friendly. He, for one, had half the mind to keep his mouth shut. 

“ Sorry,” she croaked, “ Didn’t mean to-“ 

“ It is fine,” the grumpy one said, much to her surprise, closing his eyes. And apparently, that was out of character to his friend too. Who looked down at him with something akin to amusement, even if he still appeared confused. 

“ Yeah,” the cowboy said, making eye contact with her one more time, his voice gone soft.  
And his friend looked up at him at that, as the cowboy looked at her, with such a honest expression. Open, longing. 

Oh. 

Oh, now she didn’t feel bad at all.   
Good. Some idiots needed a push. And these two deserved each other.   
She slipped back into her customer service voice, “ Thank you, and sorry again. Do take care.” 

(Besides, she only had four minutes left on her shift) 

“ Take care,” the cowboy replied, as she called out a, “ Have a nice day!” waving.   
He cast another smile her way, but it was clear his mind was miles elsewhere, not that she held it against him. Let him be dismissive, as he adjusted the bags on his hip. Absentmindedly, his arm fell to his companions side, ushering him towards the door, as they walked together.   
She tilted her head as she watched them go, and the doors slid closed. Maybe. Maybe it was a good thing she interfered. Ha.   
Suck it Jeffery. 

Later, once she got off work, she was lounging against her couch’s armrest, and should have been thinking of anything else.   
( Herb was in the habit of pretending she didn’t have a job the second she left her job. Yes, this did backfire, but a woman had to cope)

Yet her friend was being disgustingly single, eating a lean cuisine on the floor and moping, so she thought why not? Why not tell an anti climatic story with no real moral expect she was a natural at making a fool of herself?   
( A brief explanation as to why)   
She was going through the days security tapes, looking for the two attractive men that her friend who was (tragically) straight, would get a kick out of.   
She taught herself how to access the feeds from her home computer a month ago. This did sound sucipous, but it really wasn't.   
She got bored easy. As simple as that. 

Was it technically against company policy? Yes.   
Was that gonna stop her? Hell no. 

Was it illegal? ( Who knew?) 

“You’ve got to see them, they were so sweet,” she said.   
Her friend, after crashing at her place for a week, had the audacity to say-  
“ You just want to make it gay.”

“ Oh my god! How dare you-“ she swatted her. Pulling her legs up and sitting criss cross by the armrest.  
Skipping through hours of recordings for right before she got let off. 

There was some static. The screen flickered. She pulled up the time stamp. 

“ Well?”

She blinked, that didn’t make sense, there was nothing on the feed. Despite clearly remembering the one man waving at the camera, there wasn't a trace of either of them. 

Odd. The tapes had been scrubbed clean. 

She sighed and exited the browser, ignoring her friends expectant glance.  
“Technical difficulties,” she said with a shrug. 

And right when she thought she was gonna get out of the 203nd season of the Bachelorette. 

“That’s too bad,” her friend said. What Herb would do for a bubble bath right about now. 

Too bad indeed.


End file.
